partners in crime
heartache on the big screen - 5sos
i want to preface this by saying 1) this isn’t just about liam payne. if you’ve been following me for a while, you know this is one of my biggest pet peeves. 2) absolutely no one is perfect. everyone is human, everyone is learning. in facts, the one of the only ways that we progress as people is by opening our hearts, accepting & learning from our mistakes. in fact, that might be the point of what i’m trying to say.
i cannot count the number of times i’ve seen a scenario like this play out: someone with a huge internet presence/dedicated following makes a tweet that, for whatever reason, really upsets people. in most cases, it’s because the tweet contains sexist/racist/homophobic/other problematic content that the fanbase responds to immediately & strongly against the tweet. i think that’s a reasonable reaction, too. if a tweet makes this person you adore and have dedicated time and blogs and money to sound like they’re against something you are or a core belief of yours… well, it always hurts most coming from someone you love. the tweets after that can get pretty intense.
if your first response to seeing your @replies is “holy shit that was not my intention AT ALL” then congratulations, you’re probably not a bigot! if you did intend to insult & piss off all these people, that’d be a different story entirely.
what’s important to remember here is that even if you didn’t mean to upset anyone, if your entire twitter feed is filled with @replies from people who are upset, you did. your intentions don’t matter. the consequences of your actions are what matter. there are two ways to proceed, you can get defensive or you can open your heart. as in all things, opening your heart is the better option and as in all things, it’s the less chosen.
this is a list of things that are not apologies:
- "you guys are assuming things"
- "it was just a joke"
- "it’s just my opinion"
- "calm down"
- "it wasn’t my intention"
they don’t take responsibility for the things you said and worse: they invalidate the feelings of the people you upset. you can’t expect people to forgive you when you don’t give them a meaningful apology, if you don’t show that you understand why they’re hurt by what you said and regret it. also, it makes you sound like a jerk.
the worst part is that it’s so easy to respond in a productive way.
"wow, that wasn’t how i meant to come off at all but I understand why you all took it that way. that’s not what i believe, that’s not who i am. i’m really sorry." -a person who made a mistake, takes accountability for it, and learns from their actions. a person who i had a misunderstanding with, but it’s okay now. a flexible, open, understanding person who cares about my feelings. a person i want to continue supporting. a person I want to be a fan of.